I'm not gonna lie...this process has been painful,
in many ways.
Nights are particularly hard
because I'm alone with my thoughts.
I think about how surreal this all feels.
I'm still in shock.
I think about the past year and all my body has been through.
I think about the scars that are left behind,
and how everytime I see them in the mirror
they remind me of what is not to be.
14 comments:
I read this and thought of you.
There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." (Malachi 3:3) This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot--then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.
She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you.
Author unknown
The person you see in the mirror is a beautiful woman who has gone through many trials but has survived. She is the wife, daughter, mother, sister, aunt, niece,and friend of many. She is very much loved, and God loves you too. He will carry you through these difficult days. It is said that He gives us no more than what we can handle, but I say--do You have to give me everything? We all have something that God has given us--some good, some not so good, but He has given us the strength to carry on. The scars will fade in due time and the heartache will lessen. You have a wonderful family and friends to support you, and you are regaining your health. We send you much love, dear niece. Buckets of love to you. Aunt Shirley and Uncle David
the scars we can't see are probably the most raw and slow to heal...
xoxoxo
This reminds me of the story of Job,even his friends did not support him in his trials,which he passed successfully and the blessings he received after was a lot more than what he's lost,there are great blessings in store for you for remaining steadfast and immovable:-)
I'm so proud of your courage and faith... I know that you will be closely attended in those moments that are especially tender...by family and friends both seen and unseen. I LOVE YOU!
I know and understand what you are saying...that decision was made for me many years ago...I prayed for acceptance and peace...and after a long while, I was ready to let Him heal my heart. The Lord will bless you with that peace and acceptance when you are ready. He knows your heart is aching, and he will send comfort to soothe you.
Loved Jane's analogy. Just talking about it makes me know you're on your way out.
I too loved Jane's analogy. I know you are hurting, but I also know you are healing. You have been through a lot physically and spiritually. But you are one of the strongest weman I know. That strength comes from your faith and I know when you are ready the pain and hurt will be lifted. Not forgotten but lifted. I love and pray for you and the family.
I SOO agree with Jenny. It's the scars on the inside that are going to be so tender for a long long time. It's such a good reminder to me that most people are going through hard times, even if you can't see it.
You have scars, and the reminder is painful, but you should also look at those scars and be reminded of the sacrifices your body has made as a MOTHER. You're a Warrior...and that body of yours has faught hard. You're BEAUTIFUL inside and out. Love you!!!
Love you and thinking of you as we both go through the refiners fire.
What is meant to be is that you are an amazing mother and a amazing wife and friend to many people!!!! You are such an inspiration to me, I look up to you for having this great strength that I know I will never have. You are great!!!!!
I love you
Oh Becky! You are such an amazing person! I have read many of your recent posts with tears streaming down my cheeks. I'm so sorry for all the pain (physically as well as emotionally) that you have had to endure this past year. I keep you and your lovely family in my prayers.
You look awesome to me.
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