Thursday, June 26, 2008


This is my port that was surgically placed above my heart. It enables me to receive the hydration that I need during this stage of my pregnancy. It's been in a week and so far I am not having any issues like I had with the PIC lines. (thankfully) Aside from some tenderness and itching it's a blessing.
( The only reason you see old blood is from the steri strips placed over the stitches. The black thing is the actual needle that they stick through my skin into the port. This has to be changed once a week - which happened to be today. Very painful since I am really bruised from surgery and very tender in that area.)
Okay, I give up. I don't know how much more of this I can take...I'm plain miserable with a side of vomit. I keep thinking that it's all downhill from here but it still seems I'm climbing an uphill battle. I haven't posted since my port surgery - mainly because I can't get out of the fetal position. It went well, very painful, but successful. I was rescued this week by Rachael - my brother's wife. She took my 3 older kids down to her house for the week. I'm ready to be a functioning mother again, but my body is not. I'm tired of being holed up in my bedroom while I listen to neighborhood children playing underneath my window in the warm sunshine. I feel like I'm so disconnected from society. I told my mother that I'm starting to feel a titch depressed. I'm tired of bread and crackers and I'm tired of my stomach always hurting. I'm tired of the burn that my throat feels from throwing up so much. I'm tired of dragging around my IV pump and bags every time I have to get out of my bed. I'm tired of looking like Boo Radley in To Kill A Mockingbird. I'm tired of having to rely on other people to survive. I'm tired of having to switch my IV bags in the middle of the night when all I want to do is to fall back asleep. I'm just plain old tired.
PS: Ben's procedure did not go as well as I had hoped. Because Ben has such tight contractures throughout his body, they did a baclofen trial with him. Baclofen is a medication used to help relax his tight muscles. They injected the med. right into his spine and allowed about 3 hours to pass before determining if it had helped relieve his muscles any. There was hardly any improvement. They did give him a really conservative dose and so it was determined that he would have another trial at a much higher dose. That means another sleepover in the PICU. If this works then we will consider putting in a baclofen pump which will pump the med into his spine continuously.
PPS: I cut my hair and donated it to "Locks Of Love". I couldn't stand taking care of SO much hair in my condition. I'll post a picture when I'm feeling better.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Just here to give a quick update on my life as a pregnant mama. I mentioned to everyone that I had a pic line inserted before coming home from the hospital so that I could stay hydrated and not end up BACK in the hospital. The pic line is usually good for 6 weeks - but mine only lasted 4 days. Why? Because it became SO painful in my arm and shoulder. The pain followed the path of the catheter (10 inches) from the bend in my elbow all the way up to my shoulder. It was so severe that I couldn't even sleep and everytime I moved it was terrible. Of course this all happened on a Saturday and so it made things a little more difficult. My visiting nurse eventually got me set up and I went to the hospital to have another pic line placed in my other arm. This one lasted about 5 days before the pain started setting in. We even tried warm compresses to hopefully help take away some of the discomfort but in the end it didn't work and because I agreed to go longer the pain was even worse this time. Again it was a Saturday and so I waited in the ER for hours as they pulled my line and put in a peripheral (regular) IV. They gave me fluids and sent me home to get through the weekend. Monday I had to have it replaced since they don't like you to go more than 72 hours with the short lines. Back to the ER to have it replaced and hopefully find a more permanent solution. In the end it was decided that I would have a port-a-cath surgically placed in my chest to help with my hydration and enteral nutrition. My surgery is set up for Thursday at noon. I'm a little anxious about it. In the meantime I still have my short line. Last night things got a little hairy because I woke up this morning to my kids gasping at me. What? They informed me that my line had pulled loose from my IV during the night. My bed was soaked with blood and IV fluid. I was a mess - but thankful that I didn't bleed out which could have been the case. I had no idea as I had been sleeping during this process. SCARY! Hopefully things will settle down after this. I have my mom up here this week which has been wonderful. She has come to my rescue.:) Nothing like a little mom help to make you feel better. She's completed a mountain load of laundry - she even washed all my pillows - cleaned my refrig, made quite a few freezer meals, took over my kids schedules, mended and altered many items of clothing, switched my children's clothing from winter to summer, cleaned their rooms (THAT was a feat in and of itself), helped with Ben, and the list goes on and on. Whew! I'm dizzy just watching her. Friday I take Ben to Dartmouth for a procedure. We'll stay over night in their PICU while he recovers so I'll do some updating at that point. Thanks for being patient with me during my absence.

Saturday, June 7, 2008


How can I NOT get off my pillow and blog about my most wonderful surprise that came today in the mail. See that smile on my face? My family has not seen that in weeks. (normally I would not show my sickly/pasty face to cyberspace but this was a special occassion)
LL and Smartmama
for making my day, week, month...oh pregnancy. That glow on my face? Not so much pregnancy, but the feeling you get when people care. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my new painting and all the little treats that go with it. Thankyou from the bottom of my (not so much) pregnant belly.
Blogging Friends ARE forever!! :)

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


I'm back - but just for a minute. Please don't get your hopes up though because I am barely surviving as it is. Now that my children have been informed, I can share with the rest of cyberspace that we are expecting #5 this coming December. We are thrilled! Unfortuanately I am very sick. I just got out of the hospital after a 5 day stay due to dehydration from vomiting. Most know that my pregnancies are very difficult and so in order to prevent repeated hospital stays, I had a PIC line inserted before coming home so that I could have IV fluids 24/7. I also have been given a medication to help with nausea and vomiting. So due to the fact that I can barely lift my head off my pillow for more than a few minutes I will not be blogging regularly. I will miss you, my cyberfriends...and even though I may not comment on your blogs for awhile, know that I am thinking of you!:)
My PIC line...