I have been thinking about this topic for a long, long time. Six years to be exact. When Ben was born, many tests were done to find out why? Why was he born with a brain that didn't grow in utero? Was it something that I did? Or didn't do? For the first couple of years, I was stuck on why? Not that having any answers would change anything, not that I would want it to and not that I would worry about it happening again. I think maybe it's my
type A personality. Eventually I was able to let go.
Fast forward 6 1/2 years later and here I am again. I just got a call from my "high risk" OB doctor up at DHMC letting me know the results of my pathology report - on the baby and placenta. When I lost the baby, we agreed to full testing of both to see if we could find some answers. Well...according to the reports, they weren't able to come up with any reason. Of course as I delved further, I found that they didn't end up testing the baby even though Steve and I had requested it. The placenta reports are being forwarded to a pathologist that specializes in placentas and my dr. also explained more in detail my pregnancy and how sick I was to him. She's hoping that maybe he'll be able to find something that the others didn't. Receiving this phone call was actually really hard and affected me in a way that I never would have thought. Maybe because I still don't know why? There isn't some obvious answer that would maybe give me closure. I guess this is where faith comes in to play. I do have faith that whatever happened was in God's plan and somehow I am able to take comfort in that...