MY EYES...

They hurt today.

They hurt from crying.

I don't like crying because it's too painful and it gives me a headache.
Plus I can't breathe through my nose and my face gets red.

But today I couldn't help it.
I just miss Ben so much.

If you're tired of hearing me say that, 

you might want to reconsider visiting my blog.

Cuz it's gonna happen a lot.
I did so well last week, not doing so well this week.

This morning I found out a HUGE mistake (my fault) on my verizon cell phone bill.

I called begging for mercy on my oversight.

There was none to give.  

It was my fault.

This mistake will cost me hundreds.

No mercy.

I called back an hour later asking to speak to a supervisor.

The kind lady was patient with me through my tears.
(it was already a not so good morning)
She realized that it just might not be my mistake after all.

Her voice was so kind and I was so grateful.

She told me she would take care of it and to wipe my tears.
I did.

So instead of going to my karate class,

I visited my husband at work.

I needed comfort

and thankfully he gave it.

He's kind that way.

I'm lucky to have him.

Then I drove over to Kaleb's school to meet with a teacher.

I was sitting in my car waiting for the meeting to start.

I got a knock on my window,

it was cute Stevie.
She saw me and had to come say hello.

She looks at me with my sunglasses on and says

"Mom, why are you crying?"
I was teary, but not crying.

Besides...how did she know?
I was wearing my dark sunglasses.

That Stevie...she's a smart cookie.

I walked her back to where she was having lunch and gave her a big smooch.

Then I got to sit in the office and make small talk with the secretaries until my meeting started.

The principal came out to see me.

She wanted to tell me how great Stevie did on the soccer field the day before.

Stevie is quite the soccer player.

She scored the only game for her team.

I thanked her for the compliment and braced myself for talk about Ben.

I knew it was coming.
I haven't seen her since Ben's funeral.

I was feeling too vulnerable to talk about him right then.

Problem is?

People don't always know that.

But there it was.

She wanted to know how the family was doing since his passing, etc. etc.

She was very sweet about it.

I just smiled while swallowing back my tears.

Thankfully it worked because once it starts, 

there's NO stopping it.

That's just how I'm feeling today.

This picture below sums it up.

While everyone around me smiles and laughs,

inside this is how I feel.

Sad and missing Ben.

I can't help it.

He was an amazing little boy.

I miss his unconditional love and remarkable spirit,

wrapped up in a perfect little body named Benjamin.