Nobody ever thought about life AFTER Ben. It was just too hard. You can't really imagine what it's like to live without someone you love with every fiber of your being until you actually go through it. And it's really, really hard. Along with the normal "longing" for Ben, there are always unexpected 'speed bumps' along the way. Things that I never thought I would be dealing with four months down the road. Things that are painful reminders that I no longer have Ben beside me. Like today for instance. I was sitting in my living room in front of my pellet stove and eating my homemade chili when out of the blue there was a loud HONK in my driveway. I about jumped out of my skin because it startled me so much. I looked out and there was my postal lady. Darn that postal lady. I can't say I blame her for not wanting to get out of the car to deliver a package or whatever, but really? Could you maybe be a little less hard on that horn of yours and maybe give it a cute "toot, toot" instead of laying on it? Just a thought. I dropped what I was doing because heaven forbid you should make her wait. I ran out half thinking (and it made me smile) that maybe I was getting a package in the mail. I saddled up to the car window and she handed me this envelope that I needed to sign. A certified letter from Ben's infusion company. My heart sank. You see, a month earlier the company called looking for it's feeding pump that was on loan to us. I packaged it up the way they wanted and set it out on the porch waiting for them to pick it up. They never came. Instead they went to Becky Billin's house because sometimes we had stuff delivered there when I was sick with my last two pregnancies. They still had her address in the system I guess. We made arrangements for attempt number 2 and they still went to her house. It started to become slightly annoying. (could you PLEASE just pick up the darn pump at the RIGHT house) Finally they retrieved their precious pump and I was finally able move on. Fast forward to today when I received said certified letter. Inside they stated that they have repeatedly tried to get a hold of me (huh?!?) and that the pump that I have is NOT mine. (I don't have any pump) And that if I don't give back said pump, there will be legal actions taken against me. The letter also included a bill for $999 for the pump. I called them up immediately, had to go through about 10 different people, telling my story 10 different times before I finally got to a man named Dave. Poor Dave. He was the one that got my tears. I had had enough up to this point and I explained to him everything including the fact that my son passed away four months ago and that this was painful to have to deal with this kind of nonsense. I don't have your pump and PLEASE stop harassing me about it. (it's not really his fault) He was really nice and apologized profusely. He told me things would be taken care of and that I should not be receiving anymore letters or phone calls regarding this pump. (sigh)
The 'speed bumps' unfortunately WILL come.
I just need to take them slow.
(now if I could just get all the mail that I STILL get on a daily basis for Ben to STOP coming)
I miss you Ben!