Today I was walking through Walmart. I was looking for some sweats for Kaleb. I am not a fan of sweat pants at school, but then check out what I'm wearing on a daily basis. (above) I go for the comfort, not necessarily style. I mean, c'mon. Most days you can find me wearing my children's athletic jackets, a t-shirt and stretchy pants. So I don't say anything when he requests them. Besides, a $6 pair of sweat pants is way better than a $40 pair of jeans, right? But I digress. I passed the boy section where sometimes I would pick out some comfortable 'stretchy' pants for Ben too. We lived with comfort. Today was a first for me regarding clothes and Ben. I didn't shop much for him because I would usually buy big and let him grow into it for a couple of years. Because he wasn't walking, it didn't matter if the legs were too long. I would just fold them up, or fold them down as he grew. I happened to glance over at the warmer clothes starting to appear on the racks and noticed some fleece outfits that were similar to ones I have purchased for Ben in the past. A sudden rush of emotions swept over me and I had to duck into an empty aisle full of men's underwear so that I could avoid tears in public. The underwear was enough to snap me out of my instant sadness thankfully, because I didn't want to linger in the men's lingerie section longer than I had to. Besides, how weird would THAT look. Today is the 29th. A date that over four months ago wouldn't have meant anything to me now gives me a stomach ache every month. It causes anxiety as it comes and goes. It causes me great sadness and longing for things to be different. But they're not different. And so I move on. Sometimes kicking and screaming and crying. But I move on. And it's hard.