Tuesday, June 8, 2010

JUST MAYBE...

Yesterday we dressed Benjamin.  It was the most sacred and wonderful experience coupled with such sadness...so many emotions felt.  I am so grateful to have been a part of it.  After we were finished, we left from there to go and buy some frames for the pictures that I had enlarged for Benjamin's funeral.  It was not what I wanted to do...after such an emotional day, I didn't want to be in public.  I was afraid to run into someone I knew.  Thankfully that didn't happen.  I was being watched over.  We went from there to a pizza place that a friend of ours owns.  He wanted to give us some pizza for dinner - a lovely gift.  As Stevie and I were walking out of the store my head was obviously somewhere else because I wasn't even paying attention to oncoming traffic as I stepped down from the curb into the roadway of the shopping plaza.  Stevie grabbed my arm and yelled, "MOM!" and pulled me back.  It was at that moment that I noticed a truck coming who had to step on his brakes suddenly.  As I looked to my left, to that truck and it's owner, I noticed the disgust on his face.  The fact that I would carelessly step right into the road without looking both ways.  He was shaking his head back and forth while talking into his cell phone, probably bad-mouthing me to whomever he was speaking to.  I gave him a quick look of sorry and hurried across the road.  What I really wanted to say is..."can I share with you what kind of day I JUST had?  Can I share with you that I JUST lost my son a week ago, and was JUST at the funeral home dressing his body?  Can I share with you JUST how HARD that was?"  Then maybe, just maybe, he would have been a little more compassionate at my absent mindedness.  Maybe it would teach him to be a little more compassionate to others when they do stupid things because just MAYBE they've had the kind of day that I did.  And then maybe I would have kindly reminded him that it was HIS responsibility to YIELD to pedestrians, even the sad, heart broken, absent-minded ones...    

12 comments:

Michelle said...

Thank you, thank you, for your post sometimes we judge other people and don't realize what day they may have had like you, I will be more compassionate of people and be more understanding

Mostly Stacie's Space said...

Glad you didn't get squished. I love you. My heart is always with you, especially on your hardest days.

LL said...

And THAT is why Marjorie Hinkleys quote is one of my all time favorites.....
"BE KIND. EVERYONE YOU MEET IS FIGHTING A HARD BATTLE."
I'm just sorry that your battle is so painful.

TMI Tara said...

We really never know what someone is going through. The world spins madly on for you, even though you're frozen in time. Just maybe we should all be a little kinder in case just maybe the people we come across are having a hard time in their lives.

And I'm glad Stevie saved you. It wouldn't have been a good time for the typical Orton-family injury. Love you.

Junior said...

We all need to remember what others may be going through and be a little kinder.
Lots of love and hugs

The Kings said...

I'm crying and I don't even know you! Thinking of you and your family at this hard time.

Jenny said...

JUMBO X
GIGANTIC O

Adam and Anya said...

Wow, I'm so glad you didn't get run over! That sounds like a very difficult and emotional day. Prayers and hugs. This story will remind me to consider the difficult situation of those around me.

shirlgirl said...

I can certainly relate being in another world, so to speak. I can't even imagine what you are going through. My heart aches for you, my sweet niece, and all of the family. You are so fragile right now and I am glad that Stevie was there to grab you.I agree with the other comments as well. No one knows what kind of day the other person is having, so there should be compassion there. Love you bunches. Aunt Shirley

Jane said...

I come here and shed a tear each day as I read what you have posted. You are amazing Becky. The things you are teaching me are hard to express into words. But as I read what you write, I want to be a better person.
I can't wait for the day that I get to meet you. (it will happen one day I promise) You have become someone that I look up to so much. Sending you lots of love and prayers.

Alana said...

Much love Becky. We'll be thinking about you guys this weekend. I just went to a funeral down here for a gentleman in our ward and I thought of you and Ben. They say it gets easier, I hope it does.

troutdalite said...

Just read your post on dressing Ben, and thought how could you not as you knew every inch of his body so well. I couldn't do it with my mom this last month as we had a different relationship, but did all else I could. All day I'll be wishing I were in Laconia with all celebtrating Ben. Hope it is wonderful--albeit hard-- day for you surrounded by those who love your family.