Friday, June 4, 2010

WHEN I'M NOT CRYING...

When I'm not crying, I am visiting with special friends who make me SMILE.
(and keeping Ben's blanket wrapped around me)
When I'm not crying, I am witnessing my cute nephew receiving his mission call in the mailbox AND getting to hear where he will be serving for two years: PANAMA CITY, PANAMA!
(and then I cry because I was reminded that there have been TWO mission calls received in our family in the same weekend)
When I'm not crying, I am getting my nails painted by my Stevie so that my toes will look pretty.  
(Jenny and I)
When I'm not crying, I am scrubbing Jen's mildew-y pool cover in the rain because I'm already wet from my tears...so what's a little more wetness?
When I'm not crying, I am looking at Ben's pictures and holding his blanket because I just miss him so much.

15 comments:

Rachael said...

When I'm not crying, I read Becky's blog, then I AM crying! Love to you Becky. Lots and LOTS of LOVE!

April said...

Oh Becky, I'm crying with you. My heart is wrapped around you from way over here....

~ eRiN ~ said...

I LOVE YOU

shirlgirl said...

Sending you lots of love and hugs to wrap around you. My heart aches for all of you. I am so glad that you are with Jenny and family and that you and Jen had a "pedicure" by Stevie. Love, Aunt Shirley

Junior said...

wishing we were close enough to come give you a big hug. Love you

Jenny said...

I'm like a runaway train of emotion over here... can only imagine what's going on up north.

P.S. Those sexy blue toes only stayed sexy for about a day. Yesterday I played in a barefoot soccer match and wanted to hide them--they were looking more like bleu cheese. (Time for some new, quality top coat)

LL said...

I can't stop the tears when I see all the pictures on his blog..along with the music.
I also cry when I think of him running and playing.
Sweet Ben. I love that boy!

Amy said...

Becky you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a wonderful person! Much love!!

clutterbug said...

Hello there,

I just happened upon your blog .. by accident. You have a beautiful family :) I followed the link to Ben's page as well and just wanted to tell you that your words about your special boy touched my heart.

Thank you for sharing :)

xo

Malinda said...

I love you so much! You are so strong!
Wish I could make it to Ben's memorial. I know it will be beautiful. HUGS!

Amy M. said...

Tears come a lot when I read the words that you have to share. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Lots of Hugs and love to you Becky.

Andrea said...

Becky,
I don't know if you remember me, but I emailed you a while ago because I have a son who had a similar condition to Ben's. Ethan is 8 as well, and we've been through many of the same struggles. I'm a friend of Leslie Graff and Heather Oman through Segullah. I just want you to know that I've visited your blog a number of times since he passed away, and my heart grieves for you and your family -- I know all too well what you've been through, and I also know that someday I will be where you are. May the Lord bless you and give you peace.
Andrea Rediske

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

Oh Becky .... I wasn't crying until I read this post, and now I am. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling, and I am sorry that it is reality for you.

This post reminded me that you just posted Ben's toes all painted up like that, like a rainbow. Will he be buried with them that way? What a great reminder of Stevie!

Christy said...

Crying feels theraputic..along with all the other adventures in life. They go hand in hand sometimes, I love how you are able to capture all the moments at once. I am crying ...and smiling at the nice things ...with you!

Fifilatrix said...

Dear Becky and Steve and all your lovely family
my tears for you , my love to you and huge huge hugs xx
my little girl Rosie would have been 21yrs this year she had many of the same disabilities that Darling Ben had.Sadly she died aged just 12 weeks. Unfortunately for me there was not the support out there - reading your blog has given me so much peace for which i thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would love to tell you that time heals but for me it never has but i know you have your family, friends and Gods love to keep you warm AND all your wonderful memories of your Darling Boy xxxx