Tuesday, February 19, 2008


(My favorite picture of sweet Benjamin)
A few days ago I was sitting at my older son's (Kaleb) baskteball game holding Ben in my lap. He was needing some assistance so I reached over and turned on his suction machine to help him out. As I did this, one of the parents of a child on Kaleb's basketball team leaned over and asked me, "what happened to him?" It kind of threw me off guard a little bit because I wasn't sure if he was wondering why I was suctioning him or if he wanted to know why Ben was handicapped. I had to clarify with him and found he was asking about the latter. I have been asked this question many times in Ben's life. Most of the time I am completely fine with it. That day I was a little reserved in how much I shared because right away I am usually able to discern whether the person is genuinely concerned or just being nosey. This man was NOT genuinely concerned. I was polite and gave him the quick answer "his brain did not develop when I was pregnant with him". Of course that led to more curious questions like "did you know when you were pregnant with him?" I will always answer honestly so that people know where I stand on the value of life, whether they agree with me or not. During our brief conversation he flippantly remarked that he and his wife knew their first baby had spina bifida and so they aborted because "they didn't want to deal with what I was dealing with". It made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe that he could throw that out there so casually as if we were talking about the weather. It made me ill knowing that he was sitting there next to me and devaluing Benjamin as a person, like he was something that should have been thrown away. I understand that this person does not have the knowledge that I do and so mostly I just feel sorry for him. I feel sorry that he lost out on the chance to raise a child with special needs. I feel sorry that he doesn't realize just how valuable these children are. On the other side, how blessed am I to realize the full potential of these children? To be blessed to be a parent to such a child.


Anonymous said...

NICE job, Beck. Next time ask him, "What happened to you?"


Homeschool Mom said...


I would be sick to my stomach as well. Ben is such an angel! How dare he disregard Ben the way he did. Never mind his own dear baby that he threw away. Ben is loved and he serves others everyday!


Homeschool Mom said...


Adam and I were talking about Ben's pictures and it is amazing to see his spirit shining through in his third b-day picture. What a blessing!


N1RKW said...

I'm not sure I would have been able to hold my tongue when that insensitive lout said that. I applaud your self control.

I think that Ben is amazing. Despite the handicaps, he has given so much to others, particularly to you and your family. In turn, it is wonderful to see how well he is cared for. Keep up the good work, and don't let the ignorant buffoons of the world get to you.

Anonymous said...

That man doesn't have the slightest idea what he may have done to his family. I have heard and shared at least two situations where the tests indicated that the child within had, in one case, spina bifida and in another, Down Syndrom. Both of these children were born perfect. Both are intellegent and completely "normal" (what ever that means). So this family has lost the chance to either parent a wonderful normal child or a wonderful, exceptional child. Either way, they missed a chance to have a life full of joy.

LL said...

i can't believe this guy! good for you, for staying calm. You're so cute, not only did you remain calm, you're kind enough to feel bad for him.
as usual, I love the pictures. You have such great photos of your kids! that picture of him smiling makes my heart happy, what a sweet little boy!

Anonymous said...

There is a special place reserved in Heaven for Ben...and his Mom.
I love you both!

Alicia said...

Wow, that made me very sad to hear that. I hear the scripture in my head so often about when I hear or see things like this, the one in D&C that says it would be better that a millstone had been hanged about their necks than to offend His little ones. It makes me so sorry for that man. You are such a good mom and what a spirit Ben has, thanks for sharing this post, I imagine it was tough.

paulak said...

Once again, you amaze me. You handled that like a champ. I probably would have thrown down. I do feel sorry for him and his ignorance. Thank you for sharing this. Moments like those remind us of what is really important.

Ben Hutchins said...

Amazing how ignorant... clueless... people can be some times.

Becky - small request. Please do not use that blue text again - it is really hard to read.

I love you! Way to go.

Anonymous said...

Dear Becky and Steven,

Thank you very much for your blog on Ben and the value of life.
Becky's response to that man, and thoughts afterward are truly profound and beautiful. More importantly, you have exemplified those thoughts in the love and care you have given to Ben each day of his life, and you have, through your example, influenced your other children to do the same.

What we see as we observe you and your children is a beautiful example of the
"pure love of Christ," ---"charitiy", as Moroni and Paul call it.

Thank you for your goodness. We thank you for being part of our family
We love each of you dearly and admire your example, not only to us but to all with whom you come in contact.

With love and admiration,

Mom and Dad Orton

TMI Tara said...

WOW. This touched me deeply. You are a special person, Becky. I would have just back-handed him and walked away.