Sorry for my long awaited post...I'm sure most of you understand my long inbetween absences. I was admitted to the hospital again this past week, only to return late last night to my wonderful bed. Even though I was being hydrated through my port, my food intake was getting less and less. In the ten days prior to my admission I was losing more and more weight. I had a hard time eating because my stomach was not only nauseous but it was constantly in pain, making eating anything a really big chore. It got to the point where I was eating only a bite of toast in the morning and maybe a bite or two of some scrambled eggs - and then I would end up throwing it up anyway. I could feel my energy level rapidly decrease - to where even getting out of bed to go to the bathroom was really labor intensive. My doctor talked about doing TPN (total nutrition through my port) for the last couple of weeks but I kept saying no. Saturday when my husband again saw how little food I was consuming told me that first thing Monday I was going to the doctor to get started with the TPN. I agreed. That night a friend who had my three older children brought them back and checked in on me to see how I was doing. Seeing me in my very weakened condition she kept asking me if I wanted her to take me to the hospital. I was too tired and too weak to think about getting up so I kept saying "no, I'll go first thing in the morning". She kept asking, "are you sure?" Yes...I'll be fine. She would leave my room only to return a few minutes later to ask me the same question over and over. (I think she was worried) This went on for over half an hour and I was internally annoyed because I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. Finally because I knew she wasn't going away, I conceded. She took me to the ER where Steve met me. (he was working) They admitted me and there I stayed for the next 6 days. I finally got my TPN and noticed an immediate difference after a few days. My energy level was much better. I actually did not vomit the whole time I was there and gained back 2 of the 10 lbs. that I had lost. I arrived home again last night and because I had to deal with the visiting nurse getting me all set up again for home TPN I ended up throwing up - bummer. I was afraid of that. This morning I woke with a pressure over my eyes which probably means that the rate is too fast on my pump. They will decrease the rate today but hopefully it will still be enough to maintain my fluid needs. It's quite the balance. Through all of this I have been blessed with the love and concern of family and friends. I really enjoy the notes of encouragment that I receive - whether through email or mail, the service that has been rendered to my family by meals or cleaning of my house and the little gifts that have been sent. Last night I came home to a pajama gram from my friend Heather - new pajamas!!! She wrote, "if you have to be in bed all day you might as well look good doing it!" Thanks so much Heather, I can't wait to put them on.