Yesterday, before we left for the court house...I had a period of time where Brady was down for his nap and everyone was out running errands, so I was alone. I allowed myself to reflect on the past couple years of my life and to recognize the tender mercies afforded me by a loving Father in Heaven. When I was really little I remember knowing exactly what I wanted to be when I 'grew up'. A mother. I wanted a BIG family. I grew up with 7 siblings and lots of foster children and so there was daily choas, but I loved it and I wanted that for my family.
After I was married we started having children. My pregnancies (unfortunately) were very difficult for me, but that didn't deter me one bit. The minute Kayla was born I looked at my husband and said, "I want another one". So I did, 14 months later. And then another and then I had Ben. My life changed...but it was a GREAT change. One that I never would have expected but am so grateful for that experience. I tried to have more children, and after Ben was born we tried for years. Finally 7 years later I was pregnant. After a hard fought battle with my pregnancy (severe morning sickness, ports, TPN, kidney failure, IV hydration and meds) I lost the baby at 20 weeks. It was pretty earth shattering for me, BUT it didn't knock me down for long. The following year I was able to get pregnant again. It was another hard fought battle, much of the same as the year before...except this time I lost the baby at 16 weeks. And then a month later I lost my uterus. And that meant no more children. It was pretty devastating because I knew in my heart that I wanted so badly to have more children. It knocked me down for a short period but then I was back on my feet resolved to the fact that just maybe my dream of a "big" family wasn't to be. The following year I lost Ben. We went from 4 children to 3. That was so painful and so sad for me. But again, I know that I am not in charge...my Heavenly Father is. I may not understand all the 'whys' but I know that He does and I have put my faith in His plan for me.
After I was married we started having children. My pregnancies (unfortunately) were very difficult for me, but that didn't deter me one bit. The minute Kayla was born I looked at my husband and said, "I want another one". So I did, 14 months later. And then another and then I had Ben. My life changed...but it was a GREAT change. One that I never would have expected but am so grateful for that experience. I tried to have more children, and after Ben was born we tried for years. Finally 7 years later I was pregnant. After a hard fought battle with my pregnancy (severe morning sickness, ports, TPN, kidney failure, IV hydration and meds) I lost the baby at 20 weeks. It was pretty earth shattering for me, BUT it didn't knock me down for long. The following year I was able to get pregnant again. It was another hard fought battle, much of the same as the year before...except this time I lost the baby at 16 weeks. And then a month later I lost my uterus. And that meant no more children. It was pretty devastating because I knew in my heart that I wanted so badly to have more children. It knocked me down for a short period but then I was back on my feet resolved to the fact that just maybe my dream of a "big" family wasn't to be. The following year I lost Ben. We went from 4 children to 3. That was so painful and so sad for me. But again, I know that I am not in charge...my Heavenly Father is. I may not understand all the 'whys' but I know that He does and I have put my faith in His plan for me.
So after Ben passed away I had this drive to become a foster parent for medically fragile children. It wasn't an easy process and many times I felt like giving up. But I was being prompted to continue, and so I did. It wasn't until August 24th, 2011 that I finally knew WHY. That's the day I received the phone call for Brady, the day that changed our lives forever. Not a day goes by where I don't think of the miraculous circumstances that led Brady to our family. And when I think about it I get teary. Brady has brought so much joy and healing to our home and that in itself has been such a blessing! How lucky we are. And for this I will be forever grateful.
Love you Brady Boo!
xoxo
9 comments:
thank you for sharing such a inspiring story, I am so happy for you, brady is so cute
Oh that post made me cry. Your quiet courage and mother heart are inspiring. I love you.
I love Aprils words "quiet courage" THAT'S YOU!!
You've been through a lot.
Great experiences and very painful moments...yet you don't complain. You just find the good in each moment and move forward.
You're incredible! I love your growing family--lucky children raised in such a happy home.
It's clear you don't need a uterus to mother a child... you are evidence of mothering with and without. Your family is absolutely a blessing to this world... thank you for sharing so much with us, who will (probably) never have the opportunity to know all of you.
A beautiful and tender post. Brady certainly has been a blessing to your family and now he is officially yours!
It is amazing what has transpired in your life to bring about 7 beautiful babes.... and counting. :)
I feel so blessed to have you as a friend. You are one of the strongest people I know. So happy everything went smoothly on Brady's adoption day and that he's yours forever. I love you!
Becky...
Thanks for your blog update on your family, I really had no idea, what an amazing woman you are and have been, I knew of your struggles with Ben, though unaware you having lost 2 pregnancies, I have not had any amount of the trials you have gone through, yet I understand what it does feel like to lose a pregnancy, I am still mourning the loss of a pregnancy from nearly 16 years ago, my heart is still aching. after reading the comment you have here on this blog from Russel M Nelson, it has flooded my eyes with tears, to feel the spirit whisper that I too will be reunited with that child we lost all those years ago. Thanks for being MY Inspiration!
Love you too Brady boo. Mac still remembers and calls him that.
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