DECORATING AND GIFTS

Getting through the Holiday's without your child (or any loved one for that matter) is just plain hard.  No way around it.  Christmas was an especially fun time for me as I loved dressing Ben up in Christmas cheer with a great big Santa hat that was WAY too big for his little noggin' so I'd have to pin half of it together to prevent it from falling over his cute, defenseless eyeballs and scratching them red. (whew, that was a long sentence)  

Putting up Christmas decorations, including his stocking makes me so sad.  But I waited until they were all up and I was by myself before I let the tears go.  I don't want my kids to associate our traditions with sadness.  It was tender watching Stevie putting up Ben's bag of tree decorations.  At least that part hasn't changed.  He could never put up his own ornaments but that was okay because he always had lots of willing (and very cute) helpers.  Every December we pick names out of a hat to see who makes a homemade gift for who.  Stevie told me later, "I wanted to put Ben's name in the hat, but I didn't know how he would make a gift for someone."  Sad.  Last year he gave Stevie a frame with his hand print on it.  

I'll have to think about that one...(how to include Ben I mean)

 I arrived home today from a week long vacation at my parent's home.  As the children brought in the mail, I noticed a brown box with no return address.  Inside was this gift.  An ornament for Ben, from Heaven.  (again, more tears)  It was so thoughtful and something I will treasure.  They even had his name etched on the back.  I love it.  I'm not sure who the sender was, but if you so happen to read this blog, thank you.  Thank you for thinking of us and knowing how hard it is going to be without Benjamin here with us this year.
(update: It was from JUNIOR!  One of Ben's best little friends, out in CA.  We LOVE you Junior!) 

I do love this season.  I love everything that it represents.  (except for the materialism, that I could do without)  So please don't worry.  We'll be okay and we'll get through.  Some days will be harder than others, like when our family attends the "Make-A-Wish" Christmas party next week.  Deep breaths for that one.  We will be behind the scenes this year, helping out and giving instead of being on the receiving end.  I wanted it that way as they have (Make-A-Wish) done SO much for our family.  I'm hoping that this will make going a little bit easier.  

 On a happier note, THIS also came in the mail.  It's my diploma for finishing all of my foster parent classes.  Maybe for Christmas this year, Santa will deliver us a new, medically fragile baby, who doesn't have a home, under our tree.  Here's hoping!