UNCOOL!

Today I took a nap that was less than restful. 

First I dreamt that the house we were living in caught fire.

I remember knowing in my dream that Ben had died

because I wanted to get all of his stuff out of the house.

I wore socks to bed because my feet were cold.

But woke up from my dream FLAMING HOT!

I kicked my socks off and rolled over.

Too late, I was awake.

And feeling like something wasn't right.

I threw the covers off and ran downstairs.  

It was even HOTTER than upstairs.

The thermometer read 94 degrees.

UNCOOL!

I could hardly breathe.

I looked at the pellet stove and realized my mistake.

I had turned the burn rate up thinking it was the blower speed.

(duh!)

I gave up the nap and headed out to run some errands.  

Because I was tired and feeling lazy, 

I threw my hair up into a hat.

After the errands were through,

I met the kids over at the school to pick them up.

Kayla was still finishing up her practice

so Kaleb and I sat and watched.

Out of the blue he turns to me and says...

"Mom, no offense but you don't look good in a hat."

WHAT?!?

First off all, I'm not trying to 'look good in a hat'.

I just didn't want to do my hair.

Secondly, WHAT?!?

"And those shoes?  They don't really go with your outfit."

(as he slides down the bleachers)

Seriously?

UNCOOL!

I just got totally dissed by my 14 year old.

What-ev.

DECORATING AND GIFTS

Getting through the Holiday's without your child (or any loved one for that matter) is just plain hard.  No way around it.  Christmas was an especially fun time for me as I loved dressing Ben up in Christmas cheer with a great big Santa hat that was WAY too big for his little noggin' so I'd have to pin half of it together to prevent it from falling over his cute, defenseless eyeballs and scratching them red. (whew, that was a long sentence)  

Putting up Christmas decorations, including his stocking makes me so sad.  But I waited until they were all up and I was by myself before I let the tears go.  I don't want my kids to associate our traditions with sadness.  It was tender watching Stevie putting up Ben's bag of tree decorations.  At least that part hasn't changed.  He could never put up his own ornaments but that was okay because he always had lots of willing (and very cute) helpers.  Every December we pick names out of a hat to see who makes a homemade gift for who.  Stevie told me later, "I wanted to put Ben's name in the hat, but I didn't know how he would make a gift for someone."  Sad.  Last year he gave Stevie a frame with his hand print on it.  

I'll have to think about that one...(how to include Ben I mean)

 I arrived home today from a week long vacation at my parent's home.  As the children brought in the mail, I noticed a brown box with no return address.  Inside was this gift.  An ornament for Ben, from Heaven.  (again, more tears)  It was so thoughtful and something I will treasure.  They even had his name etched on the back.  I love it.  I'm not sure who the sender was, but if you so happen to read this blog, thank you.  Thank you for thinking of us and knowing how hard it is going to be without Benjamin here with us this year.
(update: It was from JUNIOR!  One of Ben's best little friends, out in CA.  We LOVE you Junior!) 

I do love this season.  I love everything that it represents.  (except for the materialism, that I could do without)  So please don't worry.  We'll be okay and we'll get through.  Some days will be harder than others, like when our family attends the "Make-A-Wish" Christmas party next week.  Deep breaths for that one.  We will be behind the scenes this year, helping out and giving instead of being on the receiving end.  I wanted it that way as they have (Make-A-Wish) done SO much for our family.  I'm hoping that this will make going a little bit easier.  

 On a happier note, THIS also came in the mail.  It's my diploma for finishing all of my foster parent classes.  Maybe for Christmas this year, Santa will deliver us a new, medically fragile baby, who doesn't have a home, under our tree.  Here's hoping!

FEAST DAY

Happy Thanksgiving!

CHUNKY CINNAMON APPLESAUCE

I've ALWAYS made my applesauce smooth, like baby food smooth.  I tasted some of my mom's chunky applesauce that she made last month and I LIKED it.  So when she offered me some free apples that were given to her I jumped on it, and made my kids help me too.  It took about 4 hours but was so worth it.

SHE'S A TALENTED GRANDMOTHER

Today my girls spent some quality time learning from their Mimi.  It's fun to watch.  Kayla's learning how to sew her first skirt.  A few hours into it she decided crocheting was easier as you don't get 'pricked' from a crochet needle.  She's a funny girl with sore fingers.

Thanks Mimi. :)

ALL WORK AND SOME PLAY

That's my Saturday motto.

(and whatever you do...PLEASE do not pay any attention to Stevie's fake Uggs that have HOLES all over them, thank goodness they're fake, could you imagine $170 Uggs that look like this?!?!  But I digress.  My favorite is the TAPE job to cover up said holes.  It's a good thing Christmas is coming because her footwear is needing some serious help, ahem...remember those sneakers from a few posts back?  THOSE beauties made it into the trash today.  You're welcome blog readers.)

RUNNING SOLO

SOLO as in I'm living without my other half.  He's in Utah for a couple of weeks visiting his family.  I'm not entirely alone rest assured because I have THREE keeping me company and keeping me very busy.  They make my job easy and I'm grateful for that.  

(except for the early morning seminary runs, those I could do without)  

It's the month of Thanksgiving.  So let me publicly share some of the reasons I'm thankful for my family.  

HE is my hunk of burning love.  (sing it to me Steve)  I love that he's a child at heart and doesn't sweat the small stuff. I'm grateful that he makes me laugh EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

SHE is my oldest and the first to introduce me to those 'dreaded' teen years, except you know what? I'm not fearing them like everybody told me I should.  I'm LOVING them.  She makes every day fun and funny.  I love that she knows how to laugh at herself even when others are laughing AT her and not WITH her.  She still kisses me goodbye in public and is the first to hug me when I walk through the doors.

HE has gone through an amazing transformation this year.  It's been heartwarming to see. He's been very successful on the fields, on the courts, in the classrooms and in his church duties.  I love watching his self esteem and confidence grow, right along with his size.  Every morning he walks down the stairs I swear he's grown another inch.  AND he loves to smother me with wet kisses.  (as long as I act cool and not WEIRD)

I love HER enthusiasm and drive for life.  She's not afraid to try new things and ends up more times than not mastering whatever she tries her hand at.  She likes to take care of me and treats me regularly to a home spa pedicure.  I'm cool in her eyes no matter what.  (well...except when I 'bust a move')

HE (and I can say this without bias) is my perfect child.  He made my parenting job easy.  There was no disappointment, anger, sadness, or discouragement involved.  Just pure love. 

Eight years of HEAVENLY bliss.

Not a day goes by where I don't thank my loving Heavenly Father for the family that I have been blessed with.  And I look forward to seeing what (and who) comes next.

Stay tuned...

UNCLE DAVID

 Today my Uncle David passed away from a long and courageous battle of pancreatic cancer.  I'm grateful for the opportunity my family had to visit and say goodbye to him last Thursday.  On my way out the door, I bent down to give him a big hug and kiss and I made him promise me that he would pass that on to Benjamin when he got to the other side.  He opened his eyes and looked at me and nodded his head that he would.  I take great comfort in knowing that he was able to embrace my son today and let him know how much I love and miss him.

I love my Uncle David.  He was by far my most favorite Uncle.  I remember as a little girl Uncle David coming to visit us when we lived in Colorado.  One of the toilets in the house at the time was not working and so he rolled up his sleeves and went to work.  In no time he had that toilet working again and from that point on he became my hero.  He never let me forget the letter that I sent him when our toilet broke again.  I wrote to him, "Dear Uncle David, come QUICK.  Our toilet is broken.  Love, Becky"  I'm sure if he could have, he would have hopped on a plane that very day to come rescue us.

We miss you already Uncle David.

Keep watch over Ben for me.

xoxo

LETTER WINNER

Tonight was Kayla's Fall Sports Awards Banquet,

 she earned her very first VARSITY letter in field hockey.

 

And because I LOVE this daughter of mine, I must share a "Kayla-ism" from tonight.  We were talking about day light savings when Kayla says, "Dad, how come it doesn't feel like I'm getting that extra hour of sleep every night?"  (um...maybe it's because you're not)  She's funny. :)

ORTON STREET BALL

(I'm lovin' the coordinating outfits, unplanned, and the footwear)

 (there may or may not be some trash talking going on)

 (there may or may not be some bodily contact involved)