Wednesday, February 3, 2010

SAD

I woke up this morning and I knew that Ben wasn't going home.  You can see it in his eyes.  They just aren't well.  Last night his vent settings were increased.  This morning he had an x-ray taken that looks worse than when he first got back to Dartmouth.  His oxygen levels have been normal until last night into this morning.  Now he's bouncing between 30 and 40% oxygen.  He just doesn't look like Ben.  Steve came to pick me up.  I needed to come home to see my family.  We got back just in time to pick up Stevie from her bus stop.  She was HAPPY...until she learned that Ben didn't come home.  I scooped her up and took her to the library for some alone time and a new book.  We left from there to pick up Kaleb from his practice and say hello to Kayla before she started her practice.  Kayla comes bounding in the gym, screaming with JOY when she spots me.  She wraps her arms around me, kisses me on my cheek and looks me in the eyes and says: "Ben's home, right?"  She knew by the way I looked back at her that he wasn't.  It killed me to see her melt.  I watched the first 15 minutes of her practice and I was glad I stayed.  She lost it in the middle of one of her drills.  At first I thought she got hurt.  The coach had her cornered and she was sobbing.  I ran over only to find out that she wasn't hurt on the outside, just hurting on the inside.  More nights worrying about Ben, more time away from me.  It's hard.  Sometimes she just doesn't want to do it anymore...and I can't blame her.  She didn't want to finish practice so I packed her up and took her home.   

18 comments:

Wiggles said...

Gosh Becky, I just want to hug you all and make it all better. It's hard enough for the adults, but my heart aches for the kids. Keep praying for you. Love

Mostly Stacie's Space said...

It's just not fair. Not fair at all. I wish I could just wrap you all up and hold you and sooth away the heartache. I love you so. Know that my prayers are alway with you.

Junior said...

Oh Becky I am so sorry to hear this, sending tons of hugs to your entire family and praying you will all be home together very soon.

Jenny said...

:(

FAMILIA FLANDERS said...

I'm very sorry, We are praying for you all, if you need anything let me know. I love you very much.

Emily B. said...

Awww, Becky! My heart is breaking for you guys. I hope everything looks better in the morning. Call me if you want to talk.

LL said...

:( I don't even know what to say!
I'm sorry.

TMI Tara said...

I'm so sorry, Becky. I wish there were something I could do. I'm sorry Ben is going through this and your family has to suffer too. I pray that you all will be comforted until Ben can come home. XO

Papa Don said...

We're keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers. I know BB is giving you some relief time, which I know has to be much needed. You give your all, and so does your family. Bless each one of you.

Cindi said...

Love you all...

April said...

Oh Becky.... I'm so so sorry. My heart is so tender for all of you right now. Praying as always. LOVE YOU!

Jo Jo said...

I'm sorry. I couldn't imagine coming home without Tanner yesterday. Your girls are so sweet.

Smilin' sunshine said...

with tears streaming down my face all I can think to say is, sorry your family is having this struggle right now. hopefully it will be better soon.

Amy M. said...

Tears- that really touches the heart. Love you all.

Zion And Missy said...

Holy cow....I feel your pain. I am so very sorry. I wish there was something we could do for you. You are in our prayers. If there is something we can do, please let me know. We love you and pray everyone can feel peace at this time.

shirlgirl said...

Hi Becky--so sorry that you are all going through a rough time right now with our sweet Benji. It's so hard for your children to not have their special brother home with them. Glad you came home to spend time with all of them. They sure do need their Mom. Love to all of you, and I hope that he gets better soon so you can all be together again. Lots of love from Aunt Shirley and Uncle David.

Diane said...

I am going to the temple Friday and will put your family on the prayer circle,If you need anything, call me.

The VW's said...

I'm sorry.....I wish.....I'm praying.....Hang in there.....This stinks.....all things that I could say, but none of them would change the fact that Ben is in the hospital, your children are suffering and that life can be so hard sometimes!

Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!!!