Wednesday, February 10, 2010

COMING HOME...

I have a confession to make.  My least favorite part of any hospital stay is the coming home part.  Sounds silly, I know because I do love to be home.  BUT...it's mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting getting to that point.  I don't talk about it much...probably because I'm not very graceful at the whole process.  Let me explain.  When Ben goes into the hospital, I go into survival/adrenaline mode.  Most of the time I don't let myself process what's going on because it's just too stressful.  I swallow any emotions, otherwise I'd be a constant, teary mess.  Add in lots of sleepless nights, making daily attempts at trying to balance both hospital and home life, advocating for Ben as needed and basically just trying to live from one minute to the next.  (nevermind the fact that my enviroment IS the Intensive Care Unit...that in itself is stressful enough)  So when it's finally time to go home, all of those emotions and feelings come rushing to the surface like one GIANT wave.  Ben and I arrive home amidst happy/needy children that are so excited to see us.  The door on Ben's van is broken which means that I have to enlist the help of all three children to help me lift Ben in his wheelchair (including his vent, suction machine and urine bag) INTO the house because I'm not strong enough to do it myself.  Then there are bags and bags of our stuff that have to be unloaded into a house that is chaotic and not as clean as I usually have it.  (it's not their fault...it's my ocd for cleanliness)  Basically what I'm trying to help you picture is that life continues on whether I want it to or not.  I have to jump in full force or get left behind.  Because my two oldest had ball games today, I chose to jump in.  We went to the games and I even was recruited to score the books.  It was a good distraction.  Had anyone asked me how I was doing...I might have melted into a puddle on the spot.  I'm home again.  My children are fed, the dishes are done.  My house still has a ways to go, but that can wait until tomorrow.  I'm thankful for forgiving children that know I need a slow transition back into home life.  As I was leaving the games with Kayla...we were joking in the parking lot, even had a foot race to the van.  When we got inside the van she looked at me and said..."Welcome back Mom, I sure have missed you."  And then the tears came.  It sure is good to be home. 

17 comments:

Junior said...

So happy to hear you are home. I can't say I understand completely since it is just Junior and I but I do understand that feeling of living on adrenaline while in the hospital. Then coming home and finally having all that stress and emotion hit you.
Lots of hugs and prayers. Hope you can get some rest. Hug your little fighter for us.

LL said...

cute Kayla!
I'm so happy to know you're home! Take it easy....and enjoy your own bed!!! :)

TMI Tara said...

Glad your home. Hope the transition goes smoothly. Thinking of you and love you. xo

Zion And Missy said...

I sit here crying on the couch (good thing I am by myself as Zion already think I am a wuss), thinking and picturing you welcome home. I know it's hard to deal with what you have to deal with. You are so blessed to have such a welcome home from family friends. Welcome home, Ben. Welcome home. We continue to pray for you all.

Emily B. said...

Oh Becky! I hope you don't have to endure the hospital again for a very long time. I'm so glad you are both home! I'll be thinking and praying for you guys as you adjust back to home life.

Wiggles said...

Happy, Happy, Happy to hear that you are home!!!! I'm headed back go work on Monday but if there is anything I can do to ease your transition in any way please let me know. Love you guys.

April said...

That post was so close to my heart... you are in my prayes as you continue to balance Ben, your other kids, your home, your hubby and your countless other responsibilities. Know you are loved-prayed for-and admired. XO

ellen said...

YOU are an awesome mom (up there in The Shire).

troutdalite said...

with all the medical experiences, too bad there can't be (clones...frightening?!) a home Becky and a hospital Becky...but then how about a cleaning Becky, a basketball Becky...the list goes on and on. Hope all goes well with the transitions. You are making all the right choices to put the kids first. You are amazing! p.s. and nice to see you sleeping!!

Smilin' sunshine said...

welcome home.

The VW's said...

Glad that you both are home again!

I can relate to what you are saying. It's been awhile since Gavin has been in the hospital, but I always felt the same way that you do when he was in and out of the hospital! It's SO VERY tiring and emotionally draining transitioning back and forth! And, life does go on, even when it doesn't seem like it should be.....SO HARD!

I'm thinking of you and praying sweet friend! Love and Hugs!!!

nanci said...

Tears came for me, also, when I read Kayla's words. I'm so glad you and Ben are back home where you belong.

Jenny said...

Welcome HOME~
xo
(hugs to you)

Jo Jo said...

Love that you scored the games and had a foot race. A good sign you're transitioning ;-) Welcome home indeed!

Robin said...

Kudos to you Becky! Alot of people wouldn't be able to wear your shoes, let along walk in them or have a foot race in them!

You continue to set an example for all of us!

Amy M. said...

I cried too at the end of your experiences. You are blessed with wonderful children.

Anonymous said...

becky you are a great mom!!!!1