ONE OF THOSE DAYS

I love this picture - it makes me smile because this is "classic" Kaleb. Today he and I traveled up to Dartmouth to have his ear checked out since having his surgery back in December. Last year Kaleb was referred to Dartmouth due to some hearing loss in his left ear. I really didn't think much of it because according to the nurse it was mild. We went in January of 2007 and they confirmed what we already knew. At that point Kaleb was referred to the middle ear clinic at Dartmouth and went to that appointment in March. At that time he had another hearing test and this time it showed progressive hearing loss in his left ear. The doctor did not see any fluid which is usually the cause of hearing loss in about 95% of children. He scheduled a CAT scan in June along with another hearing test. The CAT scan would be able to pick up any abnormalities or even fluid that can't be seen with the naked eye. At that time his hearing loss progressed even more and the CAT scan came back negative. (except for the arachnoid cyst in his left temporal lobe) They had us come back in August for another hearing test. Again his hearing continued to get worse and so we were back in October to discuss exploratory surgery or hearing aids. We opted for the exploratory surgery because we didn't want to just give up and succumb to a hearing aid for the rest of his life. The doctor agreed and felt that Kaleb would be a good canidate for the surgery. We had it done in December and the doctor found that two of his inner ear bones (stapes and incus) were fused together. He cut the stapes out and replaced it with a titanium piece. He did reconstructive surgery and ended up taking some cartilage from the outer part of his ear to fix the inside. He also had to cut a nerve that ran from his tongue right through the middle of where he was working. Thankfully Kaleb never had any effects from him doing that. All went well and the doctor really felt strongly that his hearing would greatly improve after 3 months of healing. Here's where it gets tricky. Four days after Kaleb's surgery he was out caroling with the young men and young women when he got hit by a car. Thankfully he wasn't seriously hurt, but he ended up taking the passenger side mirror off with his face and bruising the whole left side of his body. My first thought (after I knew he would be okay) was what impact this would have on his newly reconstructed ear. We did take him to the doctor but there was nothing he could do because Kaleb still had surgical foam inside his ear - you couldn't see past that. It was a wait and see game and so for three months I have been wondering...

Today was the day to see how things have healed and progressed. Kaleb had his hearing test first and when the audiologist came back she informed me that his hearing has not changed. (my heart dropped) In fact, some of the hearing parts have progressed again. It was SO dissapointing. I was really hoping that things would improve. Deep down inside I think I already knew the answer because he continues to ask "what?" when we talk to him. I'll be sitting next to him in the car and he still does it. Anyway, we moved on to see his ENT doctor and he informed us that things look good inside his ear and there is no way to tell whether or not the accident had any impact on the results. We have decided that he needs to be fitted for a hearing aid (which we did) and then in a year we will go back in surgically to see if there is anything to be repaired. Kaleb was really sad about having to get a hearing aid. He did cheer up a bit when I told him he could pick his own colors. Of course (for those who know him best) he chose the Denver Broncos colors - blue and orange. It was a hard day for me because I had so much hope. I know that in the grand scheme of life that this really is no big deal but it is one of those things that I feel the need to mourn the loss of and then move on. It's an important lesson that I learned early on with Ben. I am sad for Kaleb. I am also thankful that he has so many other working parts on his body. In time he'll learn to adjust with his new apparatus and then life will seem normal again. Until that time, we'll continue to lean on each other a little more.